Nicole and Tori's Adventure

Nicole and Tori's Adventure
She is my world and my motivation. I cannot imagine life without her. Since the day she was born, she has always been the reason I breathe. I love you Tori!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Loss of friends....Loss of heart....

I smile and laugh like everything is okay, but the truth is...I can't get it out of my head....I hear the gunshot over and over and over again. I hear the phone hitting the floor then next his body hitting the floor....last night I dreamed that while on the phone with him I traveled through the phone and I was there with him right as he shot himself. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak. I screamed but not a sound came out....I saw his brain get blown out of his head and watched, in tears, as his body fell to the floor. I watched in horror as his blood formed a huge puddle until it was all around my feet. I remember seeing his lifeless body laying there on the floor and there was nothing I could do to bring him back....I just think that maybe I could have said something differently...maybe I could have tried to contact him earlier in llife to check up on him...I could have done SOMETHING.....sigh....just the life of an american teenager

Monday, February 10, 2014

Today's World

I'm sitting here thinking of some recent events that have occurred and are still occurring in my life right now. And I'm noticing that 1 big problem with it all is that there is a vast lack of compassion. People act as if caring for someone or something without reason is just the hardest thing in the world. I don't understand! And I especially see this with the men of today's world. Why do you always have to have a reason to JUST CARE!?!? I see women everyday doing for their family and friends and spouses just because, BUT A MAN....... You can barely ask a dude for a cup of water and he go off and get mad because "he just sat down" or he asking you what he gonna get in return for doing something for you. And along with that type of attitude and lack of compassion then comes a lack of gentlemen. I mean ladies think about it, how often do you get men to hold open doors and lend you a hand JUST BECAUSE without wanting something in return? Hardly ever right? It just doesn't make sense to me how things are.

Thursday, February 6, 2014


She shows up and I get sick. Sick meaning throwing up and body temperature below normal body temperature. What do I do? I don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like moving and NOT being alone.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

My Angel Baby

I never got to see your eyes,

or hold your hand, or hear your cries.
All I have are dreams of you,
those of which, will never come true.
My heart sank the day that I knew,
I would never get to meet you.
I had made plans, and had aspirations,
if only I had a little more patience.
I never thought the Lord would take you
away from me so soon.
But, I'll never forget that dismal day,
around two in the afternoon.
The day I knew something was not right,
and through many tears I would have to fight.
Now, all I do is dream every night,
about what life would have been like.
What if you really had been born?
But all we have are dreams of that,
and all we can do is mourn.
We will not mourn for you though,
because we know you're where you need to be,
even though it isn't here with me.
You are my angel baby because God wanted you with Him.
Now, forever with his angels, His praises you will sing.
None of my dreams for you will ever come true,
because of that day God chose to take you.
But, my angel baby you will always be,
in my heart forever, forever a part of me.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Caring Hurts :'(

Around, all around, the dark memories gather.
My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my naked soul.
It mutilates me, and darkly my
blood drips
to the wicked earth that is my prison.
In numbness I cry out
while nothingness follows.
Now alone, my soul falls upon darkened eyes.

This is because of you

Friday, December 27, 2013


She stands there, tormenting me! Terrifying me! Covered in blood, she is! Black Hair, which covers her face but you can clearly see her black eyeballs. I hear her voice yet she has no mouth to speak. My body shakes, my knees are weak. I fall to the ground, trying to catch my breath. My, body's too weak to take one step. She chants this horrid chant that sends shivers down my spine. "Two souls, one body. One must die, you're mine!" She chants, They scream, I cry, She bleeds. There they are, loud as can be! My head starts throbbing, my ears bleed. This demon, this child, this girl, wow! My heart stops and I can't breathe whenever I see poor little Emily!

My Sense of Humor...Weird

While Jumping on the bed,
she fell and hit her head.
Her foot hit a shell,
She screamed and yelled,
Now she's covered in red!

Saturday, December 21, 2013


Should I say or should I not?
Should I go or should I stay?
Will running away help?
Will they find me if I hide?
Pure terror strikes me like a dad beating a wife!
Temptation hits but I refuse to get the knife!
She's here! She's here! Taunting me!
No clue why she's haunting me!
I feel like screaming, but my words won't work!
I feel like running, but my legs are frozen!
Fear is inside me, but why do I fear?
I should NOT be afraid, but fear is real!
Not much to say.
Not much to do.
I try to pray.
Lord, I need you!