What did I see?

When first looking into the mirror my mind went on autopilot. So many thoughts ran through my mind. My eyes began to water, but I held back my tears. Eyes burning like my feet on hot sand. When asked the question "What did I see?"  I reply, "I saw something". I did not see someone, a human, nor did I see joy. I saw a tool to be used and abused. Oddly, I saw a tool that was lost in the dark, separated from the toolbox. So when you ask me "What did I see?", I tell you that I did not see me.

Just Because

Just Because you cursed me out,
I got mad at you.
Just Because you said my name,
I rolled my eyes too.
Just Because you looked at me,
I stared back at you.
And on that day I got in trouble
Just Because of you.

Loss of friends....Loss of heart....

I smile and laugh like everything is okay, but the truth is...I can't get it out of my head....I hear the gunshot over and over and over again. I hear the phone hitting the floor then next his body hitting the floor....last night I dreamed that while on the phone with him I traveled through the phone and I was there with him right as he shot himself. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak. I screamed but not a sound came out....I saw his brain get blown out of his head and watched, in tears, as his body fell to the floor. I watched in horror as his blood formed a huge puddle until it was all around my feet. I remember seeing his lifeless body laying there on the floor and there was nothing I could do to bring him back....I just think that maybe I could have said something differently...maybe I could have tried to contact him earlier in llife to check up on him...I could have done SOMETHING.....sigh....just the life of an american teenager

Today's World

I'm sitting here thinking of some recent events that have occurred and are still occurring in my life right now. And I'm noticing that 1 big problem with it all is that there is a vast lack of compassion. People act as if caring for someone or something without reason is just the hardest thing in the world. I don't understand! And I especially see this with the men of today's world. Why do you always have to have a reason to JUST CARE!?!? I see women everyday doing for their family and friends and spouses just because, BUT A MAN....... You can barely ask a dude for a cup of water and he go off and get mad because "he just sat down" or he asking you what he gonna get in return for doing something for you. And along with that type of attitude and lack of compassion then comes a lack of gentlemen. I mean ladies think about it, how often do you get men to hold open doors and lend you a hand JUST BECAUSE without wanting something in return? Hardly ever right? It just doesn't make sense to me how things are.

Sickness

She shows up and I get sick. Sick meaning throwing up and body temperature below normal body temperature. What do I do? I don't feel like doing anything. I just feel like moving and NOT being alone.