In Christ, I'm NEW

Psalm 17:15 (ESV): As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

I want you to look at this picture and tell me what you see. If you've ever seen the movie "Shallow Hal" then you will immediately get it. When people looked at me they saw the "normal" sized me, but when I would look at myself, whether it was a shadow or a reflection in the mirror or a picture, I would see exactly what the shadow in the picture shows. My bodily image was distorted BIG TIME. Because I had no sense of worthiness I would punish myself. I would look in the mirror and see an obese version of myself. I would say ugly things to myself as punishment. That resulted in battling an eating disorder. I started starving myself and when I decided to eat I would binge and purge right afterwards. This became a cycle of destruction. Recently(at The Ramp), I heard God audibly tell me that I am worthy of love and that I am not alone and when I am weak and can no longer stand on my own, He is strong and is there to pick me up and carry me. Since then, I've been able to fight more and more because I am stronger now. Yes, I'm still fighting many battles but I'm learning to peel away one layer at a time instead of trying to cut the whole onion at once. That'll always leave me crying unnecessary tears. In Christ, I'm a new creation.

Suffering ----> Glory

Psalm 147:3(ESV): "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Looking back on the past few years, I realize that I had hit an all time low. With pain came depression and with depression came more cutting. Yeah, I hide my scars all the time. I keep on my jacket, I wear pants. I don't wear crop tops. I don't wear sleeveless shirts. I should stop. I'm not proud of the scars that are on my body but I am proud of how far I've come. My left arm is all scared up but when I look at my right arm I see no scars. For me, my left arm represents the pain, the torment, the bad memories that haunt me, the many tears shed, the stress, the worry, and every night that I've spent hiding in my room scared out of my mind. But my right arm, hallelujah, it represents my future and where I'm headed. Pain free. Torment free. Nightmare free. Chain free. Clean and new. So yeah, you may be drawn to the scars on my left arm but I'm more focused on the scar free arm.