A Burden to All

I am such a burden on people. Why can't I just be normal? Why won't the hallucinations just go away? I just want people to like me and not think I'm a burden. My biggest fear is for everyone INCLUDING God to turn their backs on me because they are tired of dealing with me and my crap. Me and my illnesses. My schizophrenia.Just ME in general. I've decided to withdraw from the world and go back to holding everything in. *sigh*

Signed, A Burden to All

Voices and the Effects

Right now I feel worthless, I feel like I am not good, I feel I am a whore or a slut. So when people call me those names I don't say anything because inside, I believe them. It is really hard to focus with these voices in my head. Pray!

DYING SLOWLY

What is wrong with me? My math grade is dropping. I'm killing myself. Slowly, but surely I am. Eating less than 600 calories a day. But do you want to know what scares me the most? What scares me the most is that I don't care. Like I seriously don't care. That scares the living crap out of me. I want to be able to take care of myself physically and emotionally. What to do? What to do? That's a question I ask everyday. If my stomach doesn't grown then I won't eat. that's just how I work. I know it is really bad for me but when I try to force myself to eat I end up sicker than I was when I didn't eat. Life is like a dream I can't wake up from. Some good, some bad. I hope I get over it. Well the bad dreams at least. I just want to be happy again like when I was eight and use to look up at the clouds and feel peace. I want those moments again. Growing up sucks eggs. SERIOUSLY! 

Nightmares and Prayer

Waking up in the early mornings because of bad dreams. Nightmares. Too afraid to go back to bed because you're afraid that you'll have another one. Lord, help me. I keep having nightmares when I already have enough bad stuff on my mind. Lord, cleanse my mind, my heart. I wanna have joy again. Take away these bad dreams, these nightmares. Place good dreams in my mind. Good thoughts so that I may sleep well. Grant me peace because Lord, you know I need it. In Jesus's name in pray onto the shed blood of the lamb, thank God and Amen.