a mask

I know people says we shouldn't question God, but sometimes I have to. I live a life of pain and hurt and it makes me sad. I wear a mask to hide how I truly feel about life. I must admit I'm a little apathetic, but it's because I see no other way. I have a home away from home but I think I'm too much for them. Like today, I greeted everyone with such joy and a smile of my face but that was all fake. It's getting so hard to keep the faith when all you hear is you're not worth anything or you're a mistake or why did I even have you. All I ever wanted was a family, a mother, a father...a mother who loves me and shows it and tells me she does and cares about me and everything I do...a father who didn't molest me for nearly 13 years...a family who loves each other and the world could see it, a family who loves ME!!! Is that too much to ask? It seems like wearing a mask is the only way I can ESCAPE! All I want is to be loved, cared for, and treated with respect. I'm so tired of being treated as if I'm simple or naive, as if I don't know nothing about the world. All I want to do is SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh