Inside I'm Dying

Ecclesiastes 7:3 say, " Sorrow is better than laughther. For by sadness of the face, the heart is made glad."

I try so hard to maintain a cheerful attitude, but inside I'm dying. Holding in the tears and pain, trying hard to fight it. Tears I haven't released for more than ten years, causing my heart to drop. Pain, terrors, nightmares make my heart stop. I'm dying on the inside because I won't shed tears and release all the bad things that I've held in for years. I can't tell my mom, nor teacher, nor friend. It's something I have to start and continue til the end. I'm dying on the inside. I don't know what to do. I wonder if I'll live or die, holding in these tears.

What I keep telling myself

I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiul. God Loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my exiatance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. he cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. i am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me, He cares about my existance. i am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves mr. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. god loves me. He cares about my existance. I am beautiful. God loves me. He cares about my existance. 

A Mask is Worn

You never know what's going on in a person's life. Someone could be going through hell at home. They could be getting abused or anything. Sometimes they don't have parents. SOMETIMES all they want to hear is that they are loved and NOT alone. SOMETIMES all they need is a hug and for someone to say they care for them. You NEVER know what someone has been through. Maybe they've been molested, maybe they've seen someone they truly care for killed, maybe EVERYDAY they are called the mistake, maybe just maybe sometimes they try to end their life. I promise you that a fake smile can hide a billion tears.

You never know what's going on in a person's life.

Change of perspective

This hurts more than the word HURT. I don't know what to think. Im too afraid to talk to him. Is it because I'm afraid of what he may say or worse, what he may do...daddy can I please come back home....sadness is overwhelming. His whole view of me most likely has changed, and that's not a good thing. Holding back tears.

Be a great Father.

Fellas, have you ever met a female who was the epitome of "thirsty"? I mean willing to do anything for a dude's attention? Chances are she didn't have a father figure to tell her she was beautiful and adored her. So now she seeks and mistakes any attention for good attention. I said all of that to say this, if you have a daughter, who is not 100% sure that as her father you think she's amazing, intelligent, beautiful, and deserves the world, you had better shower her with all you can as soon as you can. Otherwise, you're raising that "thirsty" female.

I can show you better than I can tell you

Don't tell her you love her, SHOW her you love her with ACTIONS. Not gifts, not words, with actions such as spending time with her. Not being her slave, not kissing up to her, not doing anything she asks you to do ... compliment her ONCE that she looks great today in that outfit (not she is beautiful but the effort she took to look good for you is beautiful. Effort, not existance.)

Potrait Of A Woman

Ladies, your MAN should not be PROMPT DEPENDENT. If he refuses to please you, be supportive of you, claim you, marry you, support his children, or respect you, those are HIS CHOICES. He is a man, not a child. Despite what the media would like to tell you, REAL MEN do not need to be trained. He either wants to treat you well or he doesn't. He either wants to see you smile or he doesn't. He either wants to put you in front of his boys or he doesn't. These are CHOICES. His choices tell you whether or not you are his priority. His choices tell you whether or not he loves you. Sex WITHOUT a condom does not show love. Taking you out and buying things DOES NOT prove love. Commitment, respect, selflessness, and a desire to please and protect you show love. DO NOT be fooled by the imitators. Imitators will make small changes when prompted to show you false signs of hope. A REAL MAN does not need prompting to treat his woman RIGHT because she is his PRIORITY. REAL MEN are rare. They are a unique brand and they are molded differently, but the results are generally the same. They make good husbands, fathers, leaders, and they protect their community. Beware of IMITATIONS. All Orange Drinks are not Orange Juice and all Grown Males are not GROWN MEN via REAL MEN....DO REAL THINGS

Stupidity vs. Wisdom

Stupidity is what the human race survives off of. Like seriously. Why couldn't it be wisdom or something? I guess you have to transform the stupidity into wisdom by yourself. Give it a shoot.

Easter

WoW. Its easter Sunday an I want some candy. I'm a big kid. Candy is AWESOME!!!!!!

The Other Side Of The Pillow

Before, all I seemed to focus on was the bad but now its the good. People have left me hanging in life but I don't worry about it because I know that I'm not alone. God is always here with me and he blessed my with Tori. I love her so much. A lot is on my mind but I don't worry about it. All I can say is THANK YOU GOD!!

Tori and Me

I love her without a doubt. I will do anything for her. I love her with every inch of my body and soul.
#MyLittleAngel

Someone else has a worse life that You

I think and think about my life. What all I do that's wrong and what can I do to make it right. My life us blah. But I just have to keep reminding myself that someone else has a worse life than me. I just gotta keep praying.

UGH!!!!!

Okay so as we all know, I attend this "good" school. Southaven High is supposed to be a great school. We had a tornado drill today...like seriously, WTF!!!! I'm hugry and sleepy. These folks stupid. All I need is to do is GO HOME. Thats it. We gotta four day weekend. Thursday is the last day of school until tuesday. hallelujah.

#praisethelordjesusinthenameofthelord

The Day After Thanksgiving

Today is the day that i try to clear my mind, I feel horrible but i try to cheer up. I'm thankful for my Tori. I know that everything happens for a reason & my great friends: Jametria, Jonecia, Shanquindra, Tavia are tryna give me ways to get rid of my migraine. It's not working so still in pain. I hurt inside & out. Lord help me.



Me & Tori during the summer, I love her <3



HEAVEN

A street made of gold
Clouds made of pillows
No hatred
No pain
Eternal love will always rein
You did your time on earth
You did the best you could
and now you will be rewarded greatly
With riches not rags
With all the love in the world
Here you will have a family. . .a REAL family
You will be treated with respect
You will be loved by GOD and everyone else
You will be treated like royalty
But while you're still on earth
TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE IT THERE.!

THE START OF SOMETHING NEW

God has been good to me !
I'm just blessed in so many way!
I have just realized what some of it was!
Just being grateful for EVERYTHING God has given me!
You should do the same!

WE ARE 1

Today Ms. Alisha Kiner announced that Booker T. Washington won the commencement challenge !!! That means that President Obama will speak at the Class Of '11's graduation. Congratulations Seniors!!!!!!!! This is a story you can tell you grandchildren!!!!

I'm so READY!!

Today we have our first track meet today...I don't have to come to school tomorrow because I'm going out of town for a track meet in New Orleans...We have to be up here at 5 'o clock in the morning....That is sooooo early...I will sleep on the bus....but anyways....I'M SO READY!!!

##TRACKSTAR

Today is Monday, March 21, 2011. It is my last class of the day and the boys have a baseball game today. I hope they win. I have a very busy week ahead of me. Tomorrow I have a softball game. Wedensday we have a softball game. Thursday I have a track meet. Even though I have alot on my mind and I'm going through alot right now I want to do as much as I can to stay active at school. Well It's almost time to go and I have practice today so I guess I will see you later.

Status: determined